The Pain
by yaya101294
Summary: When everything goes wrong and the pain you feel is too much, will things go from bad to worse or bad to good. Would you wish to turn back time or keep things the same. Warning swearing and self injurys.OC/Sirius
1. The Beginning

**A/N: I do not own Harry Potter. If I did I would not be writing a Fanfiction about it. **

**Just so you know I have a marry sue (I think that's what it's call) and I'll be posting more stories soon and you'll know for sure that I did. Now on to the story. Warning: swearing and self-injury. Plus I have bad spelling. : D**

The Pain

Chapter 1- The Beginning

"_Alex! What are you doing!?"_ I still remember the first time he caught me. That was the first thing he said._ "Alex! What are you doing!?" My reply had been "Nothing!" I had pulled my blood stained sleeve over my arm at that point. He had walk toward me, "Sirius, please. I-I'm sorry."_

"_Why are you sorry? I'm the one who is. I should have been paying more attention to you."_

"_How did you know?" I had asked as he hugged me._

"_Mad-eye told me."_

"_Sirius, please-"_

"_I'll help you, so will Remus and Harry-"_

"_Don't tell Harry."_

"_Why? Harry will want to know."_

"_I don't want him to know. He'll just-"_

"_Do the right thing and help you."_

_I had sigh in defeat then, "Sirius, I won't do it again." After that Sirius had healed the cut on my arm, and forced me to go to the kitchen. Where Mad-eye and the others where waiting to give me an hour-long lecture._

And here I was doing it again, but this time Sirius was here to walk in on me and never would be again. He had died at the ministry. And it was my fault. All my fault.

[ end of chapter1]

**A/N: Let me know if you like it please and thank you.**


	2. Anger and Truth

**The Pain**

**Chapter 2- anger and truth.**

4 months had came and gone. It was now two days into the Christmas break.

I walked into the bathroom. My red hair was sticking up in the back a lot like Harry's did. I grabbed my brush trying, but failing to tame it. When I looked at my reflection in the mirror, I felt hatred.

All my teachers had been asking if I was feeling all right and I had always given the same answer, "I'm fine." Know full well that I wasn't. Now I know why. I had lost weight, my skin was pale ( paler then normal), I had dark circles under my eyes, and my eyes them self were so dark that the hazel eyes everyone loved looked black.

"It's your fault." I heard the voice but there was no one else in the room with me.

"What?"

"It's your fault he's dead. All yours!"

"That's not what they say."

"I know, but it's not true."

"Shut up!"

"It's all your fault."[A/N: this is why I rated it M.]

I rammed my fist into the mirror, the pieces flow everywhere. I grabbed the nearest piece and plunged it into my arm. As I dragged it across my arm, leaving a long deep gash on my arm, I felt relief. I with draw it and was going to make a cut, the door opened to show Ginny, "Alex are you okay?" When Ginny saw the blood, she quickly closed the door. "Alex! What are you doing!?"

"Nothing!" At that I looked at my arm, then at Ginny, who was grabbing one of the red towels and placing it on my arm.

"I'm getting Hermione."

At that I know I was in trouble. Ginny, I know I could trust not to go to McGonagall or Dumbledor or Harry, but Hermione would tell them in a heartbeat. That's when I heard my-self yelling, "NO!"

"You need help, Alex. You're hurting your-self!" I could hear the hurt and anger in her voice and I knew that I had lost.

"Fine." I said in a weak voice as she walked out.

5 minutes later, Ginny was back with Hermione. She reached for my arm, but I pulled away, "Alex, stop I'm trying to help."

As I glared at her and stuck out my arm, the door opened and in came, Harry, and Professor McGonagall and Dumbledor. I wiped my arm out Hermione's reach. "Alex! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!" yelled Harry angrily. I was looking at the floor. "You told sir-"

"I know," I said with out a hint of emotion.

Harry walked forward and said, "you said you wouldn't do it ag- ow!" I punched him in the stomach, I was just so mad at him for reminding me of my promise. The piece of mirror was still in my hand and I had forgotten about it until I felt the blood dripping down my fingers thick and fast, that's when I dropped it. Harry had backed away, holding in his anger at me.

"Alexandra!" McGonagall was shook that I had just punched Harry.

I felt my head snap up from my hand which I had been looking at since I dropped the glass, "DO NOT CALL ME ALEXANDRA!" for the time in 7 months they could see emotion, anger in my eyes. I turned around so they wouldn't see the tears starting to stream down my face.

"Alex, you of all people should know that Sirius would not like the way you have been acting."

"You know what. I don't care I just wanted to feel something." My voice was growing quieter and quieter as I spoke. I felt so weak not being in control. I was always in control.

McGonagall walked toward me and pulled me into a hug, but I pushed away with all the strength I had left and fell to the glass-covered floor. The next thing I knew Hermione and Ginny were hugging me. I know Harry didn't know what to do.

**A/N: So now you know the Sirius did tell Harry.**

**And what a mess Alex is. Please review and feel free to give me some ideas.**


	3. Love?

The Pain

Chapter 3- Lover?

Harry was standing back. I know that he was unsure of what to do, that was until I said, "I just miss him so much." Then he hugged me too.

"Aly, I miss him too, but I did not do this." I bared my face in his shirt, socking it in tears and blood.

"But- sob- I- sob- I- sob- loved- sob- him- sob- Harry." Harry's hand stopped.

Dumbledor kneeled beside me, "Alex, what did you say?" As I looked at him, I know that he could see the horror and weakness I was feeling in my eyes as I realized that he had heard me.

"I said I love Sirius Black." Was that my voice, it sounded so calm and confidant. Dumbledor smile at me and I felt my eyes slowly closing. God, it felt so good to say that out loud.

Then everything was black.

A/N: another chapter today I may get all the chapters up today. Yes I finished writing it this is the first one I've finish so break out the champagne wait never mind I'm not old enough to drink yet. DAMIT!!!


	4. Me, Myself, And I

The Pain

Chapter 4- Me, Myself and I

Everything was black then there was a light. I walk toward the light. [**A/N: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Don't go to the light. Ha ha. This is going to be cheesy. Just go with it.**] When I got to it, I saw a white door. I pushed it, "Why in the fucking hell is it locked."

"I won't open that way." I wiped around. A girl stood there.

"You look familiar. Do I know you?"

"Yes and no." she had red hair that was a miss, but longer than mine. She looked about five foot eleven inches. Four inches shorter than I was. The height I was last year…

"You sound like… me."

"That's 'cause I am or I was."

"Why won't the door open?" I wasn't as freaked as I should have been.

"Only you know how."

"But you are me!"

"Sorry. You are the only one who can open it, sorry." With that the girl disappeared.

"I hate riddles." I yelled after her. "How do I open you?" Then it hit me, "I need a key, but there isn't one." I looked around.

The only thing in the room was a paper. I ran and grabbed it. It read…


	5. AN

**A/N: So for those who are reading this I am still pasting and I'll start some time within the next week. Maybe tomorrow. So please don't lose faith**


	6. Open Heart and Faith

**The Pain **

**Chapter 5 Open heart and Faith**

The paper read, "To open the door is to open your heart. What lies beyond is what you forgot and with it, it pays off."

I sat in front of the door and spoke to no one, to myself, to my parents and to Sirius. "I am so sorry I never told you and broke my promise. I'm sorry, Sirius. It was too much for me. First my parents, then you. Sirius, I love you," I cried. The door opened and I stood up and walk slowly into the room, tears still sliding down my face.

There were images and I started to cry harder. One of the images was of Sirius and me in the kitchen of his house. We were wet. I was pointing the hose for the sink at him and I was spraying him. He had water streaming from his wand and it hit me.

**Meanwhile: **

Harry was sitting beside Alex's bed, crying. She wasn't moving. Ginny came over and put a hand on his shoulder. "Harry, we have to go." The way he looked at her was weird.

"No," he spoke quietly.

"Alex is not going to go anywhere, mate," Ron said sadly. Hermione patted his on the back.

Harry was out of his chair so quickly it fell over. "RON. I CAN'T LOSE HER. SHE'S THE ONLY FAMILY I HAVE LEFT. YOU HAVE YOUR MUM, DAD, BROTHERS, AND SISTER. SHE IS ALL I HAVE, SO I AM NOT LEAVING UNTILL SHE WAKES UP!" Harry yelled all of this as Snape walked in.

"Mr. Potter, you seem to have forgotten that you have dentition with me, same with your sister, but see how she can't, she'll –"

Harry interrupted, "SHUT UP!"

"What did you say Potter?"

"You heard me. So shut up!"

"50 –"

"You finely stood up to him?" [A/N: Goes back to Alex's POV]

I sat up and yelped in pain as my arm brushed the blanket. Dumbledore walked in with Molly.

"There, there, Molly. It'll be okay." Fred and George came in after, you could not tell who was who, but they both looked pale.

"Alex, you okay!" the twins yeller together, running to hug me. I rolled off the bed at the last second causing them to fly over the bed and land on the other side. Harry helped me up and hugged me. I pushed him away. My eyes were black again.

"None of what I told you is to be told to anyone else." I then started to walk toward Molly. About half way I fell because I was so dizzy. Molly and Dumbledore forward, they helped me get up and Molly hugged me so tight that it felt like my bones were splintering. "Thank god, your okay," she said

"Crushing. Can't. Breath. Not. Okay. Let. Go. Can't. Breath."

"Mum, let go of her!" the Weasley's shouted.

"Sorry, dear." I walked back to the bed, using the wall for support. Flapping onto when it was with in reach. My night gown fluttered around my knees. It fit like a pink dress, cinching in to the waist and contrasting with my hair horribly.

Then to my _luck_, Remus was right above me. "This is not going to end well," I moaned.

"No." I looked over him to see Mad eye, Tonks, Kingsley, Arthur, Snape, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Poppy, and the golden Quartet sinus me.

When Harry opened his mouth I said, "Don't start yelling at me."

"Alex, he won't yell, right?" harry keep his mouth shut.

"You start yelling at me and I will hurt you, Harry."

"Alexandra." I froze. No one and I mean no one called me that and got to live.

"Lily, stop." I know that voice. "Ow, Prongs!"

"Sirius, Shut up." _No, they can't_, I thought. I looked up at Remus, who helped me up.

I…


End file.
